Your Mother Was a Twat-Waffle

(WARNING: I usually keep this blog PG13 and bleep any foul launguage. However this post is about foul language. If the language offends you, please do not read further.)

I rarely cuss. My characters rarely cuss. If the story calls for a character to use foul language, I either use “frak” or I type something like “he cursed like a sailor.”

Then I was writing a short story set in the Stolen Cities and two characters (older ladies) were telling a middle aged woman about her mother. It was very appropriate to have one of these older ladies say “Your mother was a twat-waffle.”

It’s a curse. Technically, it’s foul language. But as cussing is not my forte  I didn’t know whether twat was more synonymous with vagina or the much more vulgar cunt.

To solve my conundrum, I went to facebook and asked. Here’s what I got…

Pardon my language please, but I have a writing-related question.

Where on this scale would you place the word “twat-waffle”?

very mild…1…2…damn…3…4…5…6…fuck…7…8…9…very profane

  Alyssa Palmer I think I need a scale of 1-10 for laughing. It sounds like something a teenage boy might use.

  AmyBeth Fredricksen I’m trying to decide if I can use “Your Mother is a Twat-Waffle” for a story title!

  Alyssa Palmer Um…. depends on your intended audience, I think?

  Jade A Tiller About a 4. Just above Damn. Boy nearly as bad as f*ck or the others. It’s kinda funny. As a min, I would nor be offended if someone said it in front of my Kid.

  AmyBeth Fredricksen In the story, it is an elderly woman saying it to a 50yo woman. The “Twat-Waffle” was/is a good friend of the elderly woman.

  Jade A Tiller Please overlook the typos. Said loa keeps grabbing at my phone.

  Derri Herbert 4

  AmyBeth Fredricksen I’m worried that “twat” will be more associated with the vulgar “cunt” than with the more generic “vagina”

  AmyBeth Fredricksen Then again, it’s also something Tweety-Bird says, and an acronym for The War Against Terrorism…

  Kyle Chisholm I think it’s super funny actually! Maybe a 3….

  Derri Herbert meh…. Twat is commonly used in britain as a generally accepted alternative to idiot or twit.

  AmyBeth Fredricksen I love it, but I don’t usually curse in my stories…

  Derri Herbert I’ve spent most of my adult life working in very “blue-collar” environments, with mostly men – so it’s taken me a long time to REDUCE the amount of cursing I do. I’m currently finding ‘crap’, ‘crappit’, and ‘c*ck’ to be effective for releasing tension  I think it’s the sharp consonant that satisfies.

  Dave Mac What a person is made of, is what comes out of them. I would not have a lot of respect for the person saying it, but if the story requires it, it wouldn’t shock me.

  Matthew DeJackome Twat waffle is below cunt. People graduate from twat waffle to cunt

  Dave Mac That does it!!!  I’m getting hungry for a waffle cone.

  Stevi Coye I have no idea but I love that word! I think I’ll be calling someone that when I get mad at someone next time..”they are such a twat waffle!” can u please use that in a sentence for me?! Lol…I think it’s profane and silly but not on the same level as fuck but a little worse than saying damn..now please tell me u made that word up!

  AmyBeth Fredricksen A sharp consonant definitely helps. “Frelling” didn’t catch on, but “Fracking” did lol!

  Rhiannon Ellis I don’t think it’s profane at all. Just silly.

  Dave Mac Fracking: Mulitiable tiny explosions under the surface  Frelling: worring about what those explosions might cause.

  AmyBeth Fredricksen I thought that was “fretting?”

  Dave Mac What if they only forgot to cross their “TT’s?

  Cayla Ray 4

  Melanie Hornibrook Twat is worse than the C word to me, but with the waffle it’s hilarious

  AmyBeth Fredricksen Of course, when all is said and done it’s all up to the editor’s and publisher’s sensibility… as long as I don’t turn them off in the first place.

  Juno Suk Wait, F*bomb is just 6-7? What falls in 8+ range, may I ask?

  AmyBeth Fredricksen I have no idea, Juno but I wanted to leave it open, admitting that cursing is NOT my forte!

  Ginny Cameron McCormick In the movie Easy A, the main character gets in trouble for calling someone an abominable twat. Pretty funny.

  Dave Mac Years ago I had the pleasure of meeting one of the fiddlers from Bob Wills sr Band. I never knew Johnny and Mary’s last name because he just went by Johnny the Fiddler. These were old Oklahoma boys along with my father in law that followed Bob out to California durning WWII ……. Anyways Johnny was one of these people that would tell these 1/2 hour fireside tales that had you glued into every single word. You have to remember before radio or television, you had the storyteller. I wish I had this recorded but one night Johnny starts into this story about a young farmer that meets a young lady. The young man didn’t really see a use for women and didn’t understand his attraction but he runs into some old drifter and the conversation turns to women and what you do with them. The old drifter told about all the good and bad parts of a woman. Long and the short of it is towards the end of the story Johnny used the simple word “TAIN’T” in a manner that would make the devil stand up and cheer. So it’s all about context.

  Melissa Rutledge Kirtley Um… could you please use it in a sentence?

  It’s like a snobby or pretentious idiot.

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About AmyBeth Inverness

A writer by birth, a redhead by choice.
This entry was posted in Commentary & Musing, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Your Mother Was a Twat-Waffle

  1. OK, that was a real side-buckler. I was getting tired of all those New Year’s wishes when your post popped up. What a nice change of pace, what a great laugh. You just go ahead with the t-w description. Perfectly placed. Thanks.

  2. Pingback: The Whistle | AmyBeth Inverness

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