First, my final ROW80 update: Writing completely fell apart after NaNoWriMo. But I have a good idea of how I want to change things when the next round starts. More about that later.
I have heard many people, both single and married, say “I don’t want to have kids.” It is not an unusual sentiment. And for many people, this really is an honest sentiment and a good life decision.
But not for everybody. Unfortunately, it is currently the fashionable thing to say when dating. Some people feel like they have to say it in order to embark on a relationship at all. Some people actually talk themselves into believing it when it isn’t really true.
I once saw a TV interview, I think the guy had been on The Bachelor or some other reality TV. He said that guys don’t want to think that a woman thinks first “I’d like to get married.” and second “I want to marry you.” He said that men want to think that the woman in their life is, at best, ambivalent about the idea of marriage, until the day they meet him and suddenly decide that he is just so wonderful that he inspires them to want to get married.
Likewise, a lot of people want their prospective mates to say “I thought I’d never want kids, but loving you has made me change my mind!”
Now, this causes a problem. Because there are plenty of people out there who genuinely do not want to ever have children. And there are also a lot of people who say they don’t want to have children, but in some recess of their heart (whether they know it or not) they hope that someday they will find just the right person, and with that person, they will have children.
…like a guy I knew in college who claimed he was only ticklish “for the right girl”…
Why all the pretense? Sheesh… I am so glad I found my hubby. I like being married. I love being a mom. I always wanted to get married and have children, and my husband didn’t see that as a turnoff when we were dating.
I don’t want to say “Oh, everyone wants kids sooner or later.” That’s not true. What I want is for our society to allow people to be honest with themselves and others, without having to pretend they don’t want something when they really do.
I’ll just have to write it into a fictional world.
The shortlink for this post is http://wp.me/p1qnT4-ws
Great attitude to have. And it goes the other way as well–don’t expect people to say they want kids when they really don’t. There is a stigma out there to saying you don’t want kids. Check out http://www.babyoffboard.com for some funny childless insights.