Atemporal Masturbation

Eric Bana as Henry in “The Time Traveler’s Wife”

Apparently, I’m an expert.

No no no… not in the actual act, but apparently in the naming thereof.

It all started with this article about Dr. Who and Torchwood’s John Barrowman to be replaced by younger Captain Jack in Doctor Who anniversary episodeChris Payne posted on Google Plus “What!? ….but they have to bring back Barrowman eventually.” and the conversation went on from there…

  Tiffany Marshall  Yes, yes they do.

  Peter Bailey  But don’t you want a nice fresh one?

  Tiffany Marshall  Is it just me, or do you think somehow the two will meet and seduce each other?

  Peter Bailey  +Tiffany Marshall dirty!

  Tiffany Marshall  +Peter Bailey so I take it you haven’t had much interaction with me?

  Peter Bailey  Not from what I can remember

  John Mink  +Tiffany Marshall I mean, is there anyone Captain Jack can’t seduce?

Also, would that create some type of sexy paradox? :p

  Chris Payne  I can see some kind of crazy paradox happening when the greatest pickup line in the universe is used on itself, “Hi. Captain Jack Harkness.”  +Tiffany Marshall Would that be considered homosexuality or masturbation? O_o

  Tiffany Marshall  +Chris Payne I don’t know, but I’m sure this has had to have happened in Science Fiction before. It would definitely fall under “stroking one’s ego” though ;P

  John Mink  +Chris Payne  I approve ^_^

Also, while I do like the Austin Powers reference there, I think Captain Jack would call it homosexiness or something equally corny 😉

  John Mink  +Chris Payne & +Tiffany Marshall  see, I told you it’d be “something equally corny/punny”  ^_^

  Tiffany Marshall  Paging +AmyBeth Inverness, science fiction goddess, for help on A) what to call this and B) if she has read any timetravel books where this has happened.

  AmyBeth Inverness  Great irony here… I’m only partway through season one of Torchwood, but moments ago I watched the episode where our Captain Jack went through the rift with Tosh and ended up in 1941.

…culminating with a rather passionate dance-floor kiss between our Captain Jack and the real Captain Jack… the one from whom he stole the name.

Homosexual? I think bisexual is more accurate. And Captain Jack seems to consider sexuality to be more flexible than straight/bi/gay. Homosexiness indeed lol!Masturbation? In Captain Jack’s case in this episode, no. The other man was a completely different person…. they only shared a name.Did it happen?

Yes. In The Time Traveler’s Wife there’s a lot that was left out of the movie. But there was one scene where the time traveler, as a 15yo boy, happened to find himself having time traveled to himself in his own room at that same age (days? Weeks apart?)

Anyway ~ahem~ he gave himself a blow job.

  John Mink  +AmyBeth Inverness agreed with the sexuality, I’ve always considered him omni/pan-sexual…as for your last point– why not? :p

  Chris Payne  +AmyBeth Inverness I knew that Jack is bisexual, or more like “anything goes” (anything that movies, and probably some things that don’t). I was referring to the actual act of him having sex with his past/future self. I think it would fall under the wibbly wobbly category of “self pleasure” since it is the same person. It’s like this other question I heard a long time ago, “if you cloned yourself and had sex with your clone would it be homosexuality or masturbation?”. I would probably lean towards “homosexuality” since immediately after the point of cloning that is an entirely new individual and from there you can become two completely different people. However in a time travel scenario, they are the same person just at two different points in time. For one Jack it would be the first time they’re doing this, for the other Jack it would be the second time and he would remember their sex from the others’ point of view.

Wibbly wobbly sexy wexy? O_o

  AmyBeth Inverness  Wibbly wobbly sexy wexy? is probably as accurate as we’ll get.

Robert Heinlein wrote about cloning humans, but not making an exact replica. In one case, two young female clones approach their “original” (who is male) and argue that they are old enough to have their status as protected children removed so they can become sexually active (I think they’re either teenagers or 20 ish)Anyway, part of their argument is that, since they are his clones, it would be considered masturbation. He does give in and “welcomes” them into the realm of sexually active adults, but they never really agree whether the term “masturbation” should really apply. I’d say no, in that case, since the clones are unique beings.

  Chris Payne  I think +Darque Wing nailed it over here ♠Calling it “atemporal masturbation”

  John Mink  That’s more accurate than just “masturbation”  but I can’t see the comments on the post.

  Tiffany Marshall  +John Mink You don’t need to – “atemporal masturbation” was the comment we’re all talking about.

  John Mink  +Tiffany Marshall up until that post I was still on “Wibbly wobbly sexy wexy”    :p

  Chris Payne  I must include the hashtags here…. I feel we should spread the word and this way it can be traced back to this convo….  #AtemporalMasturbation  and  #WibblyWobblySexyWexy

♠ Meanwhile, over on  ‘s statement:

Only on G+ could I be having these discussions simultaneously:
1. What would the term be for going back in time and seducing oneself?
2. In the context of learning English expressions about remembering, using an example of someone taking off their pants in a restaurant.

  Darque Wing

1. Atemporal masturbation.


2. It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that schwing!  


  Tiffany Marshall  Good answer for #1! +Chris Payne what do you think?

  Chris Payne  Brilliant! That has to be it!

  Tiffany Marshall  I think +Darque Wing won the internets for that. Did you come up with that on your own, read it, or do you, um, have experience in this matter?

  Darque Wing  Just popped into my head: atemporal, outside of time; masturbation, playing with yourself.  My future self may have given me a heads-up about that being a common thing in the future.

  Cindy Brown  Didn’t Robert Heinlein address that already 😛  Indirectly in Time Enough for Love and more directly in All You Zombies (?).

  Chris Payne  +Darque Wing Yeah, your future self gave you a…. “heads up”…. 😉 I think you just defined something very important here. This will change the future of matu– er, time travel.

  Tiffany Marshall  +Cindy Brown I’m afraid you’ll have to educate me on that; I’m lost. The original post that started this can be found here:

  Tiffany Marshall  +AmyBeth Inverness

  AmyBeth Inverness  You rang?  My portion of the discussion has also spilled over into facebook. Heinlein is coming up repeatedly.

  Tiffany Marshall  We were just wondering what you thought of the term “atemporal masturbation” more than anything.

  AmyBeth Inverness  I say we use  Atemporal masturbation for more formal situations, but stick with wibbly wobbly sexy wexy for casual conversation.

The shortlink for this post is

About AmyBeth Inverness

A writer by birth, a redhead by choice.
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2 Responses to Atemporal Masturbation

  1. Mike Paulson says:

    I always say that I want to learn something new each day. Apparently, today I’ve already learned two new things, and the day is young:

    1. I learned the new official term for seducing oneself through time travel.
    2. I learned that your conversations online are WAY more interesting than mine.

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