Christopher Clark (A.K.A. Steven Leo MacPatches Tomahawk Panama Brown Seagal) is not a writer. He has nothing to do with Science Fiction or Romance other than that he reads. In fact, I’m not exactly sure why I’m interviewing him. I think it has something to do with the fact that this interview is scheduled for the end of the two-week Bread and Savagery shoot with Star Trek:Phase II, and I really needed a filler different, interesting and new interview for that week since I’ll be so busy.

When Christopher is not working on a batch of home brewed beer, he can be found making deep and snarky comments on my Google Plus posts.

1.       Our last e-mail exchange ended with you recovering from head trauma… are you all right?

i dont exactly…. recall that. I, oooh wait yeah, im fine i kinda just smashed myself in the face with a hand tool. lot of blood, some booze helped  kill the pain now its all better. well not all better, i mean its like a huge bruise and its all kinda of sore. but overall fine.
Oh its also Nice of you to burn one of my 20 questions on my apparent safety and health, iv never done an interview and its nice to get that extra leg up.

2.       Do you find it difficult to appear more juvenile than you really are?

Im not Exactly sure what you mean by that question, as juvenile
Not fully grown or developed, if its some kind of flirting to say i look younger than i am, im honored
but if you mean in a more ‘of or denoting young birds that have developed their first plumage of adult feathers’ kind of way then thats just a sick thing to say to someone whom suffers from both Ornithophobia and Pteronophobia and it would suit you well to avoid such topics or know your Interviewee a little better!

No but really, you know the Old saying Men age like fine wine, and you know how a great bottle of wine sits on that rack and Begs to be opened. well in my family you can’t open a bottle of wine without a great story, my being juvenile is just my way of saying get me off this rack, lets have story time

3.       I thought you were going to take my Nessie-avatar picture and turn them into ninjas… why is one of them wearing a witch’s hat?

Please Note
*May 23, 2012 Edit*
i kinda want to edit them, make them ninjas….or wizards
i know my art is a little bad, but please don’t confuse my wizard hat with a witches hat.
More importantly you should take note and ask Why i didn’t keep to my word on your Share of my image that stated “*edit When im sober enough to try, im going to add a Kilt, because the Boy Nessie cant be a Scottish monster without a kilt” and the reason behind that was because when i sobered up, adding a kilt did not sound like fun, Plus work wasn’t all that great the next day and frankly, i think it would have just looked silly, a Kilt on a wizard-lake monster
No, No that simply Would not do.

4.       I just discovered an illustration you did on a paper towel for my short story Intergalactic Bacon. Why didn’t you show me this before now?

I sooooooo totaly did, infact you can click to see whom it was shared with, you are the ONLY person i shared it with, when i saw this question i even made up a Huge elaborate lie about how i was embarrassed and everything, till i went back and looked…. your clever almost got me.
also, after i finished photoed and shared that one, i did a better one on a post-it note, i’ll include a photo of it with this email,… maybe i might share it on G+ because i know you’re most likely never to see it.

5.       What is your favorite incarnation of Star Trek?

its All about T.N.G. as a 5 year old child sitting in mom’s Lap watching the Premiere episode of what will soon be my new Heros.
Falling asleep to the best comfort any child could have next to his mommy, then in syndication, it was the only thing that got me through both the lonely painful process of Puberty with medication for anxiety, and high school in general.
and now as an adult, the hours of meaningless Debate spawned by a beer and an old episode of TNG has gained me most of my dear friends than my simple charm ever could.

6.       Have you ever read a romance novel that wasn’t just a SciFi novel with a romance on the side?

really, they make them in Sci-fi too?!? when did this start?
my mother has this collection of books, and i mean… our local library looks small in comparison.
books on Tarot, Stuff on Dreams, Power tool manuals, Home Building guides, medicine and all the standard stuff, but then… there’s this special storage shed she built for her Romance novels.
(okay its really for her tools and antiques but its filled with boxes and boxes and more boxes of her collected romance novels)
of course being the momma’s boy that i am, my mom was cool to me. so i read a lot of those too, in fact all her books are willed to me. (cant exactly donate them to a public library they dont have the storage capacity we do
she won’t throw them out, she refuses to every throw out a book, but its not like she can donate them to the local schools)

7.       Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Peeta or Team Gale?

Ha! as if, @TeamCoco, well What i mean to say is, i have no idea who those teams are…..
but dont spoil it for me, i’ll get to those teams some day. im way behind in my reading.
(do me a favor and write a better answer for me if those are some of the great classics i skipped over)
why not something simple like, Picard or Kirk, Lord of the Rings or Chronicles of Narnia,  Star Trek or…. whatever the other one is.

8.       What does it take to grow hops in New Mexico?

what a lovably drastic topic change, well Hops (Humulus Lupulus) are a fast growing vine that requires large amounts of sunshine and nutrients from the soil to sustain their rapid growth.
To grow hops you generally must be between the 35th and 55th parallel, elevation may make it possible to grow hops at slightly lower latitudes.
and i live in the 32-ish parallel but at a nice dizzying 7000 ft altitude.
im in NO way an expert, and my hops going is more of a very hopeful experiment, there have been alot of reported Hops gardens further south than us, but most of those people have at least some kind of experience, this is my first garden.
but from what i hear it grows wild in majority of the world, so i thinks with enough water, the chicken coop going in right next to it, and the neighbor’s horse pen right behind it, for nutrients and the 9-ish hours of sunlight spot it has, i think its got a pretty good chance.

9.       What would it take to grow hops on the moon?

well, it would be as simple as any other plant on the moon i guess, a nice aeroponic the 20-ish foot of vine might take up a little more room than welcomed in a cramped moon lab, but different breeds different lengths and whatnot, i think it would be pretty simple.
iv been looking into the set-up NASA uses for their potatoes and whatnot, and that’s doable if you can dedicate the square footage to the project im sure the O2 return and the preservative nature might almost even make it worthwhile to do as an early settlement crop.

10.   If you could successfully grow hops on the moon, what else would it take to produce beer on the moon?

What else depends on who’s rules you follow, if you follow german beer rules
Reinheitsgebot (1487)“requiring that beer have only four ingredients: water, malt, hops, and yeast.”
by that rule you would need only to grow some Malts and Hops, maybe melt the ice of a comet or have to produce your own water, then if your growing in a greenhouse, you will already have some yeast floating in the air, provided your air filters airnt to strict.
I myself Prefer the Belgian Style. Belgian brewing tradition also dates back centuries, and Belgians took a  completely different approach to beer than some of their German counterparts. Belgian brewers often have a flair for the eccentric, adding all sorts of  herbs and spices to their beers, while some simply stick to a method of  manipulating fermentation temperatures to create incredible flavors from their  yeast. This free approach to brewing has produced some of the most unique  and interesting beers on the planet, and their approach is being adopted by  brewers around the world.

11.   What effect would the moon’s lower gravity have on the brewing process?

on the brewing yes, and the storage
the reason we boil the water (212 degrees Fahrenheit) is to kill off any bad yeast or germs and stabilize the Wort (thats what unfermented beer is called) for the addition of hops and to propare the best possible medium for fermentation. Boiling at that atmospheric pressure… errrrrh thats math i cant even start to wrap my head around.
Luckily there are Much smarter people than myself working on that
http://gizmodo.com/5652163/astronauts-cant-enjoy-beer-but-theres-a-solution-coming

12.   What’s the difference between scotch and whiskey? Could either be produced on the moon?

OOOOh thank ‘Q’ an easy answer the difference between Scotch and Whiskey
1st and foremost American and Irish liquor producers tend to favor the spelling WHISKEY, while Canadian, Scottish, and Japanese producers tend to favor (or should I say, favour) WHISKY.
so the first distinction you should notice if you say Whiskey, its american or irish, dont get me wrong a tall neat glass Whiskey is a great way to spend an evening, but I’m a scotch guy. what exactly am i doing different? well
Scotch is Whisky there is No difference but there is one of those silly rules, its segregation its mean but it helps with classification and keeps things ‘pure’
Mexico has the same thing classification with the local alcohol  its called Tequila, and can be produced only in specifically designated geographic areas, primarily the state of Jalisco in west-central Mexico.
Champaign isnt True Champaign unless made in Champagne France,
Scotch is just Whisky made in Scotland Single malt is just bottled up one recipe of (they will mix batches for consistency in flavor but only one recipe) all Scottish made whisky, Mixed or Blended Scotch is mixed from scotch made from a group of Scotch distillers.

However, as for If it could be made on the moon, Damn lady i aint got no PHD in physics, i suppose a little a little centrifugal force for keeping the Mash (what booze is called before its Distilled) apply some heat maybe a slight vacuum to help guide the vapor into a collection area. i think it would be Possible.

13.   Would a winery be easier or more difficult to establish on the moon?

EVERYTHING about wine is easier. Except the waiting, i think really, thats all wine really is, bottled time.

14.   Once you have a successful lunar brewery, how will you take what you’ve learned and adapt it to Mars?

are you asking for a challenge!?! I will do both projects at the same time, i don’t suspect it would take longer for either of them and adapting one to the other, as long as the material could be grown and spared from food storage

15.   You get 1 Mythbuster, 1 Starfleet Officer, and 1 Superhero to help you build your Lunar and Martian brewery empire. Who do you choose and why?

Adam Savage, i know he likes Scotch, Jamie seems a party pooper, like he wouldn’t be fun to throw a few back with. if you can’t drink with them, you sure can’t make a business of making drinks with them, Maintenance Engineer Rom, because as long as i don’t rip him off his brother Quark would be indebted to help me out, and i need new and undiscovered adjuncts for my beer production, and he’s also a built in distributor, so like…. bonus….
and then i need funding, and and transportation, Tony Stark mega-multi-billionaire-super-mega-Engineer-genius/ Iron Man because he likes a drink now and again also.oooooh and because he could help fund it….. and build an Iron suit Fleet to haul massive amounts of product.

16.   You can choose a “companion” from either the Dr. Who Universe or the Firefly Universe to run your front office. Which do you choose?

do you mean a companion like the profession of character Inara Serra, or just whom i think would be best in an office in charge of my front office of the brewery? if we are talking my money is on the line, well i haven’t watched all like what 20ish years of Dr.who (i never much cared for it) and i haven’t seen firefly for so long i can’t remember half of it, i’ll make Tony Stark Hire someone for that, maybe even ask Quark from my prior answers.

17.   If you could remake any SciFi movie, and add ninjas, which would you choose? Would the ninjas be protagonists or antagonists?

i think i would Add Ninjas to the Star Trek Movies,
Now Hold on i know that annoys people right off the bat, but lets be fair Star Wars Had Ninjas, them Sneeky Sith baddies, even some of the Jedi has some pretty sick Ninja Moves.
Serenity Had that one chick, TOTAL NINJA
the closest thing Star Trek Gets to Ninjas…. Klingons…. unless… well maybe you can count the romulans
I think all sides Need a little more ninja, and the federation outfit lends itself sooooo well to a little Ninja redesign. its not because i think the story needs it, not because i think the movies really Need anything
But the Popular movies of the day seem to be sporting Battle scenes, its just what sells to the masses, forget story or dialog, Massive Battles, Lasers, Phasers and Bat’ leth, Blood Spraying Bodies piling up…. it would sell it, a rebirth of Star Trek, sorry Gene yours was better by far, but this is what the people want now.

18.   Would you stick a tiny fish in your ear if it would give you the ability to automatically understand any language?

you can give me the mutation,technology,or fish excrement in my ear to make me understand the dialect of any thing, but you can’t force me to understand what the hell they’re all talking about.

19.   Was Starbuck a better character as a male or female?

female, 150% better female…… OMG

20.   Who shot first, Han or Greedo?

who cares? ones a smuggler ones a bounty hunter, one does things the government says you shouldn’t do, the other, a vigilante(by standards of actions not as a synonym). a person  (a private individual (or (pl.) group of individuals) who presumes to carry out extralegal punishment in defiance of existing law.[1] Lynching is a principal form of vigilantism and was practiced widely in the United States particularly — though not exclusively — as an attempt to control and intimidate non-white and non-Christian citizens. Posses comitatusrepresent another form of vigilantism.)

I abhor both practices, and think the chaotic warship of the franchise of star wars and the characters therein is offencive. promoting a character as a hero, or even an anti-hero whom Main storyline is, stealing, illegal trespass and sales of illegal or untaxed goods is just incorrect, even for the era in which it was released to the public.
I could only hope the practice of the use of the concept ‘Good vs Evil’
Hero Vs Villain Or the less likeable but more Likely Anti-Hero Vs Half second of side character as literature filler to show how ‘badass’ this smuggler character is’ is discontinued and not used in movies or  ever again. Except in cases where extreme bias is and only one-sidedness is the style that the story in question is being told.

Moreover in the midst of typing this micro rant i was tweeted by on Mr. @Angry_Han_Solo whom has informed me, that he in fact shot first, as the only living person from said incident, i am inclined to believe he would know best.

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