
There are 2 versions of this post. I wasn’t able to finish it on the day I started it, and since the topic is one that is very active right now, new things happened and when I went back to my post it turned into a long, rambling, TLDR post.
So I condensed it. But for those readers who might not be aware of either of the news items I mention, I left the longer version and a bunch of links at the bottom of this post. After all, in the virtual press, a longer post doesn’t actually take any more resources than a short post.
The Short Version
I’m getting mixed messages lately. Or maybe they’re not mixed; perhaps people are simply confused.
In a Today Show interview about the erotic BDSM novel Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James Savannah Guthrie made it clear she thinks that all BDSM demeans women.
First of all, why now? We’ve had BDSM stories for a long time. I suppose this particular novel appealed to a greater audience, and sold enough copies to grab the media’s attention. I haven’t read it, but friends who have (and who know the BDSM community) seem to hold the general opinion that it isn’t that good. It’s a great romanticized fantasy; not a great representation of BDSM.
Towards the end of the clip, Savannah Guthrie asks “Is this really where we’ve come?”
Yes. This is where we’ve come. In the Today Show video, sex therapist Laura Berman says “If we look at the history, we have the Women’s Movement, which really was about empowering women not to be submissive to men anymore. Now we’ve moved on to a new generation where women are more empowered than ever before, the glass ceiling has been broken, and we have as much control as we want. And what are we longing for? A little bodice ripping.”
I totally get that. (Forgive me for letting my 1980’s teenage slang to show.) Yup! All that bra burning took place before I was born. I am grateful for it. Thank you, all you who came before me and gave me the freedoms I enjoy today.
Or not… No sooner had I seen the twitter-rage about the television host’s dismissal of the genre than I hear some self-important radio shock jock who shall not be named (He’s got enough publicity over this already) call a woman a prostitute because she wants insurance companies to cover a woman’s birth control medicine just like they cover most prescription drugs.
Walter…Tango…Foxtrot.
Really? I did a big doubletake at this comment, not just because it’s offensive, but because it’s such a giant stretch. And haven’t we come past this, long ago? Wasn’t that part of the bra burning? I’m 42, and until recently I did not even know that birth control was ever controversial at all. I thought the development of the pill was simply another nice leap forward in medicine, along the lines of “Yeah! We have a vaccine for Polio!” or “Finally! A safer anesthesia!” I just can’t imagine why anyone anywhere would have any reason to not want a safe, simple way for humans to prevent conception. Birth control was a huge leap forward in human health, not just women’s issues.
I don’t want to burn my bra. It’s comfortable and supportive. It’s not a symbol of oppression to me. This fight was fought and won by previous generations. If I want to read a kinky story, I will. And I can choose to use birth control or not and the only person who has any say in the matter is my husband.
The Long, Rambling Version
I’m getting mixed messages lately. Or maybe they’re not mixed; perhaps people are simply confused. Last week a furor arose around the novel Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James.
Attention suburbia: Sexually explicit bodice-rippers are making a comeback. British novel “Fifty Shades of Grey” by author E.L. James (a woman in her 40s) is getting women talking — and fantasizing. But while some find this trend to be a healthy way for women to express their sexuality, others are disturbed by the kind of sex the novel involves.
The Huffington Post
I’m not talking about furor over how racy or kinky the book is. I missed that particular furor, if it ever happened at all. I’m talking about the furor over Today Show host Savannah Guthrie’s rather unprofessional and far from objective interview style. Dr. Drew Pinsky found the novel disturbing. Towards the end of the clip, Savannah Guthrie says “Is this really where we’ve come? After fifty years, women have the power…” It is obvious that she has little understanding for respect for the BDSM community.
Well, I don’t really get the appeal of BDSM either, but I do understand that many perfectly normal, decent people do get it. I also understand that the community has very explicit rules about safety, control, and consent.
Something else I’ve learned from my twitter friends who do enjoy BDSM stories is that these particular books are not a very good representation of the genre. I have no idea why 50 Shades stirred up a controversy when these stories have been around for a long time.
For anyone who is curious, but reluctant to delve into the popular trilogy, I recommend Tiffany Reisz. In particular, her novella Seven Day Loan is a well written glimpse into the complex relationship between the Dominant and Submissive. Tiffany also wrote a mini-sequel freebie called Daniel Part Two and put it on her blog.
In the Today Show video, sex therapist Laura Berman says “If we look at the history, we have the Women’s Movement, which really was about empowering women not to be submissive to men anymore. Now we’ve moved on to a new generation where women are more empowered than ever before, the glass ceiling has been broken, and we have as much control as we want. And what are we longing for? A little bodice ripping.”
I totally get that. (Forgive me for letting my 1980’s teenage slang to show.) Yup! All that bra burning took place before I was born. I am grateful for it. Thank you, all you who came before me and gave me the freedoms I enjoy today.
What I found distasteful was Savannah Guthrie’s rather rude insistence and generalation that all BDSM demeans women. In fact, my twitter feed was awash with irate tweets from Romance and Erotica writers of all inclinations.
Is this really where we’ve come? Well, yes. We’ve come to a place where women can feel free to express and explore their sexuality in whatever way pleases them. If they want to forego marriage and have as many sexual partners as they like, fine. If they want to marry their high school sweetheart and stay home to raise her family, fine. Or anywhere in between. Yes, this is where we’re come. We have the freedom and power now.
Or do we? No sooner had I seen the twitter-rage about the television host’s dismissal of the genre than I hear some self-important radio shock jock who shall not be named (He’s got enough publicity over this already) call a woman a prostitute because she wants insurance companies to cover a woman’s birth control medicine.
Walter. Tango. Foxtrot.
Really? I did a big doubletake at this comment, not just because it’s offensive, but because it’s such a giant stretch. Haven’t we come past this, long ago? Wasn’t that part of the bra burning? I’m 42, and until recently I did not even know that birth control was ever controversial at all. I thought the development of the pill was simply another nice leap forward in medicine, along the lines of “Yeah! We have a vaccine for Polio!” or “Finally! A safer anesthesia!” I just can’t imagine why anyone anywhere would have any reason to not want a safe, simple way for humans to prevent conception. (Except for those who, for religious reasons, believe that humans should be having lots of babies.) Birth control was a huge leap forward in human health, not just women’s issues.
Damn. Maybe I do need to burn my bra after all. But, you see, the thing is, I like my bra. It’s comfortable and supportive. No one is making me wear it. Nor is anyone forcing to have or not to have children. No one’s calling me a prostitute…
But apparently we aren’t quite there yet.
Following are a few random links I’ve gathered to other who’ve written a post related to 50 Shades of Grey:
Dr. Logan Levkoff Deconstructs the book http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-logan-levkoff/fifty-shades-of-grey-bdsm_b_1318169.html?ref=tw
Andrew Shaffer storifies “50 Tweets of Grey”
Roni’s book recommendations
The shortlink to this post is http://wp.me/p1qnT4-EM
Revelations of Polyamory
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is not to be confused with polysexuality, which is attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes.
My Kingdom Come Novels are about a society where the most traditional marriage consists of four men and four women. Other combinations are common. Marriage of just a pair is quite unusual, and often leads to having friends fix up said pair with other “small” marriages in the hopes that the couple could find the happiness inherent in group marriages.
So, my characters are polyamorous.
SCANDALOUS!
Well, yeah, when you consider how unusual it is in our own present society. But the point of the book is showing the relationships as being very normal, traditional, and happy. Just as Ursula K LeGuin’s The Left Hand of Darkness shows a society where the very human-looking beings (supposedly descended from humans, evolved in their own way after thousands of years) are androgynous.
All right already… what’s the revelation?
After completing the rough drafts of several novels, I’m stalled on the one that will be the first of the Kingdom Come stories. These are primarily romances… the characters are not saving the universe from certain doom. They are simply living their lives and falling in love in a society very different from our own.
The story is called About Damn Time and it focuses on Mia, who has been happily married for about twenty years. Mia and her husband Andrei spend a year on Earth (It’s a business trip) with the family’s three oldest children. While there, they meet AiMei… and the feelings of being attracted to this woman while desperately missing the six spouses who remained back home lead to a complicated love story.
I decided to write a story about a family visiting Earth because it would make a good contrast to establish the setting of all the Kingdom Come stories. But as written, there is no conflict regarding the couple’s polyamory. I simply mention it like a fact.
My revelation? I need to include Mia having to explain her family’s tradition to people on Earth who think that group marriage is weird, or even offensive. There has to be that kind of tension while they are on Earth, and it should be relieved when they return home.
Now… to get the time to write. This first semester back to my old teaching gig is taking up a lot more time and energy than I realized it would. Of course, before, I could recycle a lot of content from one semester to the next. Now, I’m recreating everything since so much has changed in five years.
I’ll figure it out. We’ve got a new Round of Words in 80 Days starting soon, and I can re-evaluate how I divide my time.
Wish me luck.
It’s about damn time I got something ready to query an agent.